a cup of talk

Tony speaks on the wisdom gained through mistakes, what he takes to be a privilege in the experience of heartbreak; and, incidentally, how he gets by now. And then he breaks it off into beats. A real treat.

Some are like drawn-out terminal cancer. Others, like an out of nowhere ton of bricks. Breakups happen. And more often than not, "cordial" is not exactly the descriptive fit. But what of the things of things-past that you may now possess? - A simple question then:

Do have any of your ex's stuff? If so, why do you think you still have them?

If you've been in a relationship before, then you've made mistakes in a relationship before. This is, of human nature, common law. Tony speaks of his mistakes, the fortune of experiencing heartbreak, towards the path of "wising up" to a relationship that lasts. But is this a necessary feature of achieving such a goal? So we pose the question to you:

Do you think people unavoidably make mistakes before they can settle into a good relationship?

acupoftalk notes: don't ever restrain a person. it's not only illegal, it's awful.
Drop a line, we appreciate you! :)

Andrew Utter speaks on the importance of understanding the origins of love in a relationship in the possibility of sustaining a lasting relationship before 'losing the loving feeling' leaves love lost at a point of no return. Andrew is a recent Ph.D. from Stanford University in German Studies, and works professionally as an actor and a director.

People commonly differentiate between loving someone and being in love with someone. And for the latter, 'being in love with' someone is frequently identified by the presence of some 'loving feeling'. But is this correct? We pose it you:

Does the loss of the 'loving feeling' necessarily mean that a person has fallen out of love with someone?

Okay, now. Say a person genuinely falls out of love with someone after an amount of time. Another issue which people seem divided on is whether 'being in love with' a particular person is one shot gig. That is:

Does genuinely falling out of love with a person make it impossible to be in love with that same person again some time in the future?

Drop a comment, tell your friends to chime in, acupoftalk.com needs any input from you! thank you :)

Lisa speaks on her tendency to unwittingly date men that are similar to her father...and no, this is not a good thing. Lisa is currently going to school and works for Land Rover.

Let's face it, whether you're compelled to believe in the Oedipus complex or not, we've compared our (prospective) partners against our mom and/or dad. In Lisa's case, she is frequently attracted to men who turn out to share certain 'negative traits' that her father holds, much to her chagrin. So what of you,

Do you tend to be attracted to, or find yourself dating, people that share significant features with your mom/dad? And do you prefer this or not?

Let's throw in a curveball here for the next question. Some people don't seem to be attracted to the similar features their mom/dad hold, but rather bare a similarity with their mom/dad in how they are in relationships. For instance, a female who has a father that is, say, a narcissist and (unwittingly) preys on good-natured people may herself take after her father in this way. Or a son whose mother is nurturing may be nurturing in relationships too. So, we wonder, of you,

What force feels stronger to you? - Your attraction to people who share significant features with your mom/dad, or your tendency to be similar to your mom/dad in relationships?

Drop a quick comment please, and tell your friends to help us with our research, thanks!

Todd Neece speaks on his experiences of breakups, and the reasons given, that have left him without a chance to understand and develop from them. Todd is a grant writer for a non-profit.

real talk

Most of us have been on both sides of this equation. You know, whatever the reasons, it's simply going to equal to a breakup. But when it comes to the real reasons why promises of togetherness come to an end, people seem split on what they want to hear on why they're being broken up with. What would you choose, when you know the relationship is done, on their 'reasons why'.

To hear the brutal truth that's likely to be very painful to you, or something your partner-no-longer 'tells' you as a conciliatory and easing rejection of you?

Through the relationships, years of changes in your life, you usually have a rough idea of a person you want to have a relationship with. It's funny how, often times, your friend will describe this idea of a person to you, and to find that they've never been with a person anything like that. And chances are, the next person you are in a relationship with, may not fit that idea either. So, for the sake of science, do tell:

Do you find the people you have had relationships with are similar or dissimilar to the idea of a person you want to be with?

Alicia speaks on 9 years of a long-distance relationship with a man she is married to, and how they have achieved love naturally despite the odds. Alicia is a Post-Doctoral Fellow in Psychology in the Department of Neurology at Washington University, St. Louis.

real talk

Many of us have come across the situation before. - You love somebody, or at least you think you do. One of you must move for one reason or another. People drop a lot of cliche statements at this point, as to why it can or cannot work. Alicia, rather remarkably, has not even posed the question of whether to end things due to distance. So what of you?

Would you choose to try to have a long-distance relationship with a person you love, and do you think you can maintain a loving exclusive relationship as Alicia has?

Weekend visits, regular vacations, and a ton of webcam conversations cannot account for the dynamics of living together. After all, not even seeing each other everyday all day, and spending nights at each others' place consistently, can amount to the experience of sharing a space to live together in permanence. Many of us know, the drastic differences between the two, and all that is forced upon the relationship due to your partner being your roomie too. So what do you think?

Do you think Alicia is underestimating the possible issues that may arise when they are finally able to live together?

Chime in, click below to comment, we'd love to hear from you.

Michael Grant rather candidly runs the gamut on the possible reasons why he's a quintessential commitment probe, to then find that they belie perhaps the actual underlying reason why. Michael is the founding editor of Synergyzine www.issuu.com/synergyzine

real talk

Alright, readers. We need your input! The first question posed to you is multiple-choice.

Which of the things that Michael bought up offers the best possible explanation of his commitment phobia? - (alphabetical order) 1. "Astrology" 2. "Childhood fears" 3. "Infantile needs" 4. Lack of fit with "pace/speed" 5. "Yin-yang"

The second question concerns the oft discrepancy in the use and implicatures that come with the idea of "work". I pose to you...

Can 'work' within a relationship be enjoyable or is it a burdensome aspect of it?


Drop those comments, and join the conversation! And we'll respond to you on Thursday.

Amelia Sandy speaks on her previous 'semi-open' relationship with a bi-sexual man, where sexual expression reigned free, yet the heart was theirs alone to keep. Amelia is 23, completing a double degree in psychology and art, and plans to enter the field of art therapy.

real talk:

You're in a relationship with a person you love. Insofar as you love him/her, you have a vested interest and concern for the things that matters to this person. You know, even though you wouldn't care about those things otherwise. You are fulfilled by the fulfillment of your loved one. - So you support your partner's artistry, career, hobbies, etc., even when it requires our partner to engage in activities with other relevant people. After all, you suck at bowling and can't stand it otherwise.

Your partner wants dick. You either don't have one, or yours offers a domain of sexual satisfaction that doesn't meet all that your partner desires. Or your partner simply wants more dick. You are faced with the following proposition from the person you love: that each of your sexual expressions be open such that you are "free to go through with it," but "real heart feelings you would only share with each other." The question, 'yes or no', I pose to you:

Would you accept this proposition given that this matters to your partner?

Many of you don't even like to hear your partner say, "oh yes, I'd do him/her." In fact, many fights are caused by the mere suggestion of such things. The issue, many times, comes down to a matter of trust. As such, an agreement to openly acknowledge (to your partner) your attraction for other people presents a possible approach to work through issues of mutual trust.

You agree to this. You trade lines, "I want to ram-fuck that girl on the bus right now." "Well, I want to ride that guy's dick bulging from his skinny pants." You may even bond over this exchange. You might even "like it." (Stay with me now, read on). Your partner wants to act on these desires. In each moment that these instance occur, you may be "okay with it." After all, "at the base of your relationship you're connected, that's all you need." But the question, another 'yes or no', I pose to you:

Do you think it is possible for you and your partner to trust each other while you both are having sex with others?

Click that comment button, we want to hear from you on this!