Let's face it, whether you're compelled to believe in the Oedipus complex or not, we've compared our (prospective) partners against our mom and/or dad. In Lisa's case, she is frequently attracted to men who turn out to share certain 'negative traits' that her father holds, much to her chagrin. So what of you,
Do you tend to be attracted to, or find yourself dating, people that share significant features with your mom/dad? And do you prefer this or not?
Let's throw in a curveball here for the next question. Some people don't seem to be attracted to the similar features their mom/dad hold, but rather bare a similarity with their mom/dad in how they are in relationships. For instance, a female who has a father that is, say, a narcissist and (unwittingly) preys on good-natured people may herself take after her father in this way. Or a son whose mother is nurturing may be nurturing in relationships too. So, we wonder, of you,
What force feels stronger to you? - Your attraction to people who share significant features with your mom/dad, or your tendency to be similar to your mom/dad in relationships?
Drop a quick comment please, and tell your friends to help us with our research, thanks!
This is an interesting topic, which I have wondered myself. From my observations, I believe that people are attracted to the familiar and curious or fear characteristics that vary. I realize that my respect, love, honor, and dedication to my nurturing Mom are also attributes that I look for in a partner. Things that I've learned from my father do not share the same level of adoration. Although, my experience with my father have given perspectives on how expectations are played in a masculine role. Regarding dating, the most attractive trait I appreciated from my father was chivalry.
ReplyDeleteMy comfort level with certain people is one thing and whom I want to sleep with depends upon attraction and variables such as timing, mood, commitments, and other particulars. A lot of attraction is having that familiar, what you’re used to, comfortable, vibe which gives you a sense of trust. My dating experiences have ranged from going out with multi-millionaires to artists in school.
My Dad lacked consistency like Lisa’s; my Mom has a Master’s degree and is a highly successful nurse. My attraction goes to talent, passion, and good-hearted, dedicated, brilliance. By the way Lisa, Ritchie is a great man, although he doesn’t share the vices you mentioned nor does he hang out at Borders…hint hint;)
I think it comes down to what kind of person you feel comfortable with - if daddy or mommy was a such and such a person, it is natural to gravitate towards those traits because they feel good to be around, very comforting, very much "at home" - even if they are extremely negative!
ReplyDeleteIt is commonly held that as kids we see our fathers/mothers as blueprints to what a man and a woman should be. Boys look to their fathers for guidance and their mothers for what a "good spouse" or nurturer looks like. Vice-versa for young girls.
This is all fine and natural, it is just what we do with this information that makes the difference. So, daddy was so and so and I dont like that. Now I purposely go the other way and date the exact opposite of daddy. This wont necessarily work out, but will provide some insight into what one want's or doesn't want.
Also, coming from a single-mother household, I think absolutely that our opposite parent can influence our core personalities - funny you mention narcissism and strong nurturing characteristics, because my mother possesses both of those, traits which constitute a large portion of my being.
Having now just read the post above me, I realize we agree on many of the same reasons - is this because they are pop psychology that has filtered into the mainstream so exclusively, and do they have merit outside of being mere popularly held opinions?